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No I really don't want
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But I'll settle for love

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hunted by the american dream
 
Wednesday, April 30, 2003  
I am 22.

Thanks to all of you for the birthday wishes.

No thanks to Peter, Ann Marie, Sean, Deborah, and Ziba for getting me drunk last night at midnight.

2:41 PM

Tuesday, April 29, 2003  
ONE MORE DAY!

Jesus.

Darren called me last night, drunk off his ass, to tell me that he's DONE with his third year of school (he's at Florida State studying music). It's not even the end of APRIL and he's done, for God's sake. That is wrong. Wrong, I say. Especially because we uchicagoans have SIX MORE WEEKS of school until we're done. He also broke up with his boyfriend, so send Darren some love. (I'm thinking about you!)

I also got a postcard from Molly yesterday. I was really surprised to get a card from Arizona and wasn't sure why I was getting a card until I opened it up and realized. It was also the FIRST birthday-related thing I got.

I didn't end up going to Showtunes last night because Heidi wasn't feeling well and because I thought I should have a calm (read "non-alcoholic") Monday night. So I got a huge-ass tray of cheese at the Fundamentals colloquium that I dropped into Scott's lap, stayed home, made dinner, watched Mr. Personality (every time Monica was on all I could think was You almost brought down the US government) (I am a reality tv whore), and read some of Tocqueville's L'ancien regime et la revolution.

Aside: I swear that everyone in the world has birthdays in late March, April, or early May. Something strange was going on in the United States during the summers of 1978-1983.

I have to read Nietzsche in order to write a response, and then do a five-page or so exegesis of Calvin, so I should run.

ONE MORE DAY!

2:35 PM

Monday, April 28, 2003  
The weather is fantastic and I hope it stays this way for my birthday on Wednesday. Yesterday: woke up at 11:30, finished Glamorama, gay power breakfast with Joe, Christopher, and Nathaniel outside, reading for class on the back porch, cooking my own dinner, the Simpsons.

Tonight: maybe Showtunes to celebrate my birthday.

I had a traveling dream last night because I have been thinking about how much I want to go to France again (I bought mustard from Dijon yesterday, mustard made by a guy that I met while I was there, and in my divinity class we're talking about this village that sheltered about a thousand Jewish refugees during WWII). But the dream wasn't about France, it was about being in NYC again.

I really want to go somewhere, but tickets are expensive and I don't really have time. Damn my "two days after I get out of school"-starting job.

2:16 PM

Saturday, April 26, 2003  
My mother's response to my proposal that I drop out of school to hitchhike across the country:

"Regarding dropping out of school and hitchhiking across America, come home first and get some guns, with complementary shooting lessons, and some knives to take with you on the trip. I suspect that would be quite an educational offering. And far be it for me to interfere with your learning process."

I apologize for the length of time between my last post and this one. The most recent overnight was this weekend and I was up at 6:45 AM on Thursday AND yesterday, and I woke up at 7 today to be at the Reynolds Club at 8. The big programs for admissions are over, though, thank God, because the worst part about those days is that they royally fuck up my diet (shut up, I'm NOT a forty-year old woman!) - I get up early but not early enough to have breakfast and then I eat the smallest possible lunch and IF I get dinner, it's just a bite or two here and there.

The best part about the program days: watching the prospective students realize what might await them. Seeing them realize how much their world is going to change NO MATTER where they go.

Another good thing about the program day: after Thursday night's prospie party in the Reynolds Club, Ann Marie and I went to Jimmy's and who should walk in as we're finishing up our drinks but the uber-famed Dean of Admissions here, whose name I'll protect from googling. He came over and chatted us up a bit and even offered to buy both of us a drink. And I was SO close to saying yes; I'm glad I didn't because I was SO tired.

I ran into Aaron last night and also saw the Mafia at Rebecca's party.

8:32 AM

Tuesday, April 22, 2003  
Will I be de-gayed if I express some hesitation about Madonna's new album? I haven't heard it yet, but I have to say that "American Life" is not the best single around today (is there a good single around today?) and the rap...oh God. Anyway.
9:33 PM

 
So I got so pissed off at the people in the library that I had to leave (the annoying econ grad students started going a bit crazy). GRRRRR....

Anyway, in other news, my friends make fun of me for keeping a weblog AND for knowing people solely through their weblogs; I'll admit it strikes one as kind of weird, and I don't know if I'd say I really KNOW anyone, but whatever. GRRRR....

Last night at Showtunes Bill reminded me that I would have to come in next week to celebrate my birthday and I was like, Oh my God...it's almost a week away. Oh well. Christopher says that 22 is the last sexy year. I doubt it, but...

In more other news, SHUT UP, SARS.

There are also two somewhat poorly-written articles about the recent Critical Inquiry conference here at the U of C. Find them here and here. I kind of feel like Emily Eakins should shut up, too.

But then again, I shouldn't be so mean as to shut people up. Except the annoying library people and Rick Santorum.

9:20 PM

 
I want to remind people of what Jen wrote earlier: When you're in the library, SHUT UP. SHUT UP. This couple was talking so loudly near me that even when I put my headphones on I could still hear them. They were louder than the annoying econ grad students. So please, SHUT UP.

Oh, and SHUT UP, Rick Santorum.

7:42 PM

Monday, April 21, 2003  
Oh, and, on a sad note, the great Nina Simone is dead.
6:12 PM

 
Yesterday: hangover, Dominick's (my $91 order shot down to $68 with the use of my "Fresh Values" card - beautiful), laundry. Read Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Glamorama, which I feel is affecting my life choices in quite possibly a bad way.

Today: class, work/theater, Reg, work/Reynolds Club. I had to give up HANT's car, but at least in return I got a t-shirt from St. Martin's that says "Friends don't let friends drink White Zinfandel." True, sister, true. Read Robespierre's "Report on the Principles of Political Morality." Distillation: "There are some people who think we should stop killing people. But they are wrong because enemies of the republic are in our midst. There are some people who think we should kill even more people because enemies to the republic are everywhere. But that's just not wise. On the other hand, it is still very important to continue to kill all of the enemies of the republic so that we can preserve liberty."

Tonight: Showtunes. It is favorite bartender's birthday, which means the likelihood of many free drinks looms; I must exercise self-control.

I was planning on getting an IL driver's license, but before going to the Thompson Center downtown I called to see how easy a process it would be. Well, apparently it's a huge pain in the ass. But nonetheless, an unstoppable nine days until I am 22.

5:15 PM

Saturday, April 19, 2003  
So I've been at the Reynolds Club right now, where I've been since 8 AM (ugh, ugh, ugh) and I'm listening to This American Life on NPR. They're talking about "that place on the corner that can never hold a store," and I keep thinking of that place on 57th in between Noodles and the Med that's now home to the Med Bakery, which was home to store after store after store - and nothing lasted, and it's a good location, right on 57th, the main drag on the southern edge of the neighborhood, the sidewalks that people walk when they're leaving the neighborhood via Metra or Jeffrey. But I think the Med Bakery is here to stay. They do it well.

God I need to do laundry. That's really all I need to say.

Jesus, Ira Glass's voice is the weirdest to listen to. Anyway.

I've got a lot of reading to do, but I get to go to Dominick's today and buy groceries, so it's good.

I'm currently reading Glamorama and am now contemplating what it means that I've already been invited to three parties tonight, which one I'll go to, etc., if I should go at all to any of them or just chuck it and get drunk at Jimmy's. Don't get sucked into Ellis's world, Jonny-boy...

1:33 PM

 
And it represents a penis...

A Mighty Wind=fucking hilarious, the best movie I've seen all year, et al.

Scott, Sara, Ann Marie, and I went to see it last night. Chicagoans, it's playing at the Esquire.

9:19 AM

Friday, April 18, 2003  
I was blogging about just now and, while on Agendabender I found some fun "get your war on" photos.

Here

And here .

I think I might need to make a field trip to Israel.

5:27 PM

Wednesday, April 16, 2003  
Another thing: The Golden Girls was a landmark moment in television.

One more thing: The Maroon has a story about Ahmed Chalabi's connections to the U of C, leading me to conclude that this school is single-handedly responsible for the current situation in Iraq. When Chalabi, who will more likely than not be the first leader of post-Saddam Iraq, was a graduate student in mathematics at the U of C in the 60s, he met both Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Perle, two of the biggest hawks in the administration. First Ashcroft, now this.

In other news, Petey Fitzgerald is vacating his Senate seat, which means that the Democrats have a chance to put someone there, which would bring the grand total of Republican-controlled statewide offices in IL down from two to one. Barack Obama, U of C Law graduate and IL State Senator, has already declared his candidacy.

11:07 PM

 
It has been way too long a time since I've placed a substantial post on this site, and for that I'm sorry to my five or so loyal readers. Okay, well I can hope that more than five people read my weblog, and those who do must be very bored by my (un)exciting life right now.

I'm reading about the French Revolution in Civ right now, which is some pretty hot crazy shit. I mean, seriously. This thing lasted from at least 1789 (and some say before) and ran until Napoleon came to power (and some say it encompassed his "reign"). It was, in a certain corner, an attempt to actualize the political philosophies of J-J Rousseau and the ultimate political exaltation of the ideas of innate human nobility and reason that the Enlightenment espoused. Not the first time a social group attempted to place the ideals of a philosophy into physical reality, and not the last, but, I'd conjecture to say, one of the biggest failures thereof. The Revolution convulsed Europe and I think the world really felt its ramifications. We read H.R. Niebhur's "Theology in a Time of Disillusionment" for Protest and Liberation today and Niebhur points to the First World War as THE moment where the West, and Europe especially, finally felt its certainty shatter. But I think the historian could probably point to the French Revolution as that point and argue that the re-establishment of order after the fall of Napoleon (Congress of Vienna, 1815 or so) as an attempt to prop up and maintain a system that had already died. There was no replacement extant, the leaders of Europe feared what a search for that kind of replacement might entail (in that sense maybe Marx had it right and maybe he was NECESSARY, but there again is another prelude to the failure of politics to implement effectively a philosophical system).

Whoa...enough wonkery. Anyway, that was all to say that, while reading this shit, I almost fell asleep like two or three times earlier today. I've never quite recovered from this past crazy weekend, which I need to do. As much as I would love to go to the Cove tomorrow night, I think I'm just going to see Dance Studio and then go home. Besides, after last week, which was certainly fun and nostalgic, I realized that you can never quite recapture the past (which is for the best, I think). I was hot, it was noisy, it was smoky, and I began to question how much fun I actually was having (of course, if I were wasted I would have had a great time).

As much as this makes me sound like a total tool, I really enjoy the work that I do with and for Admissions. It might not be a bad place to work for awhile after I graduate.

t.A.T.u are amazing. Their videos are actually, and I'm only being slightly sarcastic, really amazing examples of the video art form.

Something that's been creeping around in the back of my mind for awhile - at least the past couple of days. If, as Niebuhr says, we live in a time of disillusionment, what can we cling to for escape, hope, etc? Of course Niebuhr would say God, but can religion as it exists today provide humanity with what it needs? I'm not so sure - not religion an sich, but religion as-it-exists and is practiced. Anyway. Maybe that I wonder is a good reason to go to Divinity School.

I got an Easter package from my mom today! Yay candy.

Only two weeks until my birthday. Yikes!

Happy Passover and Holy Week to all of you.

9:30 PM

Tuesday, April 15, 2003  
Well, apparently I am done with my junior paper, but what with the work I have for Admissions and UT and school I don't feel like I am.

Goddam.

9:39 PM

Saturday, April 12, 2003  
Another recent discovery: After this quarter I have two more classes to take until my degree program is finished. Which means I'm almost done. Whoa...

And Sara inspired me to put my text list on the website:
Hamlet
The Brothers Karamazov
Systematic Theology of Paul Tillich
The Stranger
Augustine's Confessions
and either The Anti-Christ or Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche

With some help from Freud, Lacan, and a bit of gender/performance theory; the history of Western Civilization; Protestant theology; and Ulysses. I've also done coursework in Fundamentals on Lolita, Utopia, Seneca's Letters, Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, Tristram Shandy, and Dostoevsky's The Idiot.

Wow. That's a lot.

7:36 PM

 
ARGH!

I am SOOOO tired. It's comforting, though, that the video for Avril's recent release is on Launch. I just watched it with Lindsey. If it weren't so funny, I think I would be really, really depressed at how annoying it is. And fake and bad, too.

I did something really bad last night that involved hooking up with someone. And felt kind of shitty about it. So I called Lindsey and we drove a long way away...all the way up to Wilmette and ended up at the Ba'hai Temple, which was SO BEAUTIFUL (many apologies to HANT for the car-abuse...don't worry, I don't think I'll be driving it at all this week except to feed the cat). We got out of the car and started to walk towards the temple. The signs said it was closed so we weren't planning on walking up to it, but we walked up the first couple of steps and then, suddenly, a voice said, "The temple grounds are closed." We couldn't see anyone, so I figure it was a hidden speaker. Very scary. So we got back into the car and drove back. And didn't get home until 4.

The Mentorship show is amazing! I really miss that program...heading it last year was such a good experience. I kind of miss the experience of getting to be close to some of the kids that we teach.

I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!

6:02 PM

Friday, April 11, 2003  
I have to be in the Reynolds Club tomorrow from practically 8:30 in the morning until 2 AM Sunday.

I have an Admissions program from 8:30 to 12:30, and then the Mentorship show is at 2 (which means I have to start helping them at one), and then I work from 5 PM to 2 AM. On Sunday I have to house manage the Mentorship show again and then close the Reynolds Club yet again.

I have to write three 6-8 page papers for my Div School class, which kind of sucks, but I do get to choose when I turn them in, which is very nice. I have to come up with a proposal for it this weekend, but I'm not sure when I'll have the time. It doesn't really feel like a huge weight left my shoulder yet. I guess I'll figure it out eventually.

More posting will probably come, but I don't know.

4:34 PM

Wednesday, April 09, 2003  
The ever-fabulous and adorable Molly Proue was in town and yesterday I got the chance to have lunch with her AND get a drink at Jimmy's later in the evening. Wow.

So I've figured out some things I might want for my birthday:
a new shoulder bag
tupperware
bath towels
sheets/pillowcases for my bed

All of these things are SO domestic.

I also want to get the book on the social history of masturbation, but I doubt my mom will buy that one for me.

John Calvin, by the way, is a very unforgiving man. I HAVE SO MUCH READING TO DO.

I went to talk to my advisor today and, after this quarter, I will only have two more classes to take to finish my degree program. That, my friends, is scary.

HANT is going on a week-long cruise next week. We hate her for that. Actually, we don't hate her, we just hate how every once in awhile she really casually mentions it in conversation or does things like ask me what she should take with her.

8:07 PM

Tuesday, April 08, 2003  
I will be a big boy 22 on April 30. I spoke with my mother last night and she asked what I want, and I couldn't really tell her anything. I'm not quite sure what I want. Money? Of course. But I'm doing okay. A job? I've got three and one for the summer already. A vacation? Indeed. I've got the important stuff. Maybe some housewares are in order...ooohhh...
8:08 PM

 
Done. Oh my God. Wow.

I just accepted a position for summer work at the Museum of Contemporary Art in the Performance Programs. I don't know if it's where I super super want to work, but they wanted to know today, and About Face hasn't let me know, so I took it. Downtown, climate controlled office with floor to ceiling windows, my own desk, and my own computer, here I come. For better or for worse. I think it will be good. I'm pretty sure, in fact.

I went to Showtunes last night and got a little drunker than I planned. I think I saw Kris there, but I'm not sure it was him. It was, after all, in a bar and dark and smoky. But who knows?

I know I owe the blog a massive post because I haven't really written anything lately, but I also really need to read John Calvin.

5:23 PM

Saturday, April 05, 2003  
It's noon on a Saturday and I'm at the Reg. As Heidi said when she was working on her ba, "so fucking close."

I got a hilarious phone call last night from Darren which involved a lot of people that I knew from high school screaming drunkenly into the phone. Thanks, Darren. I'm keeping the message and I was actually awake when you called, but in bed and didn't hear it until the last couple of screams.

12:15 PM

Thursday, April 03, 2003  
Christina, Shakira, and Britney oppose the war. Check it out. Link via, of course East/West.
8:30 PM

 
I had a very good meeting with Lear today. Things are coming along relatively smoothly with this paper. I know what I need to do and I know what I want to say.
4:27 PM

Tuesday, April 01, 2003  
OH MY GOD I WANT IT TO BE OVER. I basically cut half of the paper and put those cuts into another document. I'm now on page 16. I have to finish up writing this section, edit and revise the last section, and then I'm done for the night. After that I still have to write an intro and conclusion, but I'm not going to get to that until after my meeting with Lear Thursday morning.
11:46 PM

 
I am now smoking Gauloises Blondes. French cigarettes. Take that, Bill O'Reilly.
1:33 PM

 
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